An anniversary NOT to be celebrated

The past week has been difficult emotionally.  In three days’ time it will be three years since I developed GBS.

I know that I am lucky to be alive, lucky that I’ve never hit a plateau and that there is still improvement every week, lucky to have loving friends and family.

What is hard to contend with is the fact that my active life – as I knew it – was put on hold and I don’t like the sedentary life I have to contend with on a daily basis.

As I wrote in a previous post, I am not depressed just despondent.  I am afraid of something silly.  I am afraid of the calls and messages I’ll get from people who will want to be happy that I’m still improving after three years, while all I want is to forget that I’ve lost three years and that I’ll never be as strong and active as I was.

So. What is there to do?  Wallowing in self-pity is not the solution.  Embracing the new me is.  I need to be Buddhist in this respect and contemplate the Four Noble Truths.  I am suffering because I am attached to my thoughts about my previous self.  I must look on those memories as “Thank you God. You gave me many active years that I made full use of.”  My new physical situation must be accepted and I must do things that will give me satisfaction and help others.

I am a Christian.  I believe that Buddhism is a philosophy and that its teachings can be appreciated and practiced by everyone irrespective of their religion.

It’s time to work on some of the points in the Eightfold Path: right intention, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration.  I’ll never have peace of mind unless I progress out of this unfulfilled state.





About louisehasgbs

Still an optimist! Recovering from severe Guillain-Barre Syndrome.
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